Our nervous systems respond to leaders the same way we react to people who hold power in our lives, especially caregivers when we were young. That’s because our bodies and brains develop in the context of relationships. Safety, connection, and trust are biological needs.

When we’re young, we rely on others to meet our needs and help us feel safe. We need food and shelter, but also co-regulation. This is where alloparenting comes in. In many cultures and throughout human history, care didn’t come from just one parent; it came from a network of caregivers, older siblings, extended family, and neighbors. Our nervous systems are designed to expect that kind of support. We develop best in safe, attuned communities.

So when we see someone in power who is abusive, unpredictable, or threatening, especially someone in a symbolic “parent” role like a president, our nervous systems can react as if we’re back in a familiar or frightening situation from earlier in life. That can bring up deep fear, confusion, even collapse, especially if we grew up with people who were cruel, neglectful, or erratic. Others may align with it as a survival strategy if cruelty was normalized early. Neither response is conscious and does not involve logic, but regulation and survival.

This helps explain why people respond to the president in such polarized ways. Some feel overwhelmed and unsafe, others double down in loyalty because it matches a pattern that once helped them feel secure, at least in a distorted way. It also explains why facts and policies alone don’t change how we feel. We are reacting to a body-level sense of threat or familiarity.

So, you’re not crazy if the president makes you feel disoriented or deeply distressed. For many, this is a survival response kicking in. What we need, and what our nervous systems are craving, is co-regulation: connection with others who help us feel safe, seen, and not alone. Building safe connections with those around us is a powerful act. It counters the sense of threat, which helps us better regulate our nervous systems and therefore improves our sense of well-being, which makes us more resistant to control.