I didn’t become a fighter by choice. My environment demanded it. There was no room to ally with my abusive father. He didn’t allow it. I couldn’t stop him from hurting me for being a girl, for not being the son he wanted, for being “sickly,” for simply existing. He targeted me with his misplaced rage. The only choice was to fight back or be destroyed. So I learned to fight.
When someone resists abusive power inside the family or in the wider world, they are often seen as defiant or difficult. But that resistance is usually a survival response. Some of us grow up in conditions where fighting back is the only way to stay alive, to hold on to even a shred of dignity. It’s not a conscious decision; it’s the body and mind doing what they have to do to survive.
That kind of resistance is shaped by a lifetime of experiences, especially the early ones. If a child is trapped in a role they can’t escape, they adapt. For some, that appears to be compliance. For others, it is defiance. The nervous system responds to repeated threats by choosing the only path that offers a chance at safety: fight.
Not everyone can resist. Most people conform to power because it’s safer, and how they’ve learned to survive; they’ve been conditioned to submit. They often don’t recognize what it costs someone to stand up to abuse. They may even judge or isolate the person who does. This contributes to keeping the status quo, rewarding obedience, and punishing those who challenge it.
Standing up to abuse often comes at a high price. It can lead to more harm and isolation. But for some, not standing up would cost even more. When every other door is shut, resistance becomes the only possible path to self-preservation.
If we want to build a world where people feel safe enough to resist injustice–especially now, as authoritarianism and fascism gain ground–we need to understand what supports resistance. From a neurobiological perspective, people need connection, safety, and a sense of belonging to act against harm. The nervous system is more likely to resist danger when it feels protected by others. That means our job is to create relationships, communities, and systems in which people aren’t punished for speaking out, but supported. Solidarity is moral and physiological. When we co-regulate with others through presence, empathy, and trust, we help their nervous systems move from fear to agency. Resistance thrives in connection. Authoritarianism cannot.
