The Cultural Demand to Stay Positive Harms Us
Every day we’re told to “think happy thoughts,” to “focus on the good,” to keep our “vibration high.” It’s the cultural chant of a society terrified of pain and truth, and addicted to denial. But we can’t “positive vibes only” our way out of a domination hierarchy that feeds on human suffering. We can’t meditate our way out of cruelty and contempt.
The Nervous System Doesn’t Buy It
Our nervous systems don’t care about slogans. They respond to cues of safety and cues of danger. And the cues of danger are everywhere: exploitation, injustice, abandonment, and greed paraded as success. Pretending it’s fine doesn’t make the threat go away. It just forces the body to swallow it whole.
When Mind and Body Tell Different Stories
From an Interpersonal Neurobiology lens, what happens is simple but devastating. When the truth of our environment contradicts the story we’re trying to tell ourselves, the system can’t settle. The body keeps scanning for what’s real, but the mind keeps insisting everything’s okay. That split creates internal chaos, an ongoing tug-of-war between perception and pretense. The result is disconnection from self, from others, from life.
Suppression Disguised as Regulation
We call that regulation in our culture–holding it together, staying positive–but it’s not regulation. It’s suppression. It’s survival. And it costs us our vitality. The person who learns to ignore their own alarm signals loses access to their own knowing. They stop noticing what feels wrong. They stop being moved by what matters.
The Price of Denial
When we override danger cues long enough, the system shuts down the parts of us that register meaning, empathy, and awe. We stop feeling fully alive. We’re no longer fully participating in the human experience. We’ve traded truth for comfort, authenticity for performance.
A Culture Built on Numbness
This isn’t individual failure. It’s a collective adaptation to a sick culture that punishes awareness and rewards numbness. The mainstream message is: don’t name the harm, just manage your attitude. But all that does is keep the harm in place. It teaches people to tolerate what should never have to be tolerated.
Congruence Heals
A healthy nervous system depends on congruence; what we feel, what we know, and what’s actually happening need to line up. When the culture demands we deny what’s happening, we can’t reach coherence. We stay fragmented, anxious, exhausted, half-alive.
Choosing Truth Over Performance
Seeing what’s wrong is not negativity, but sanity. It’s the body insisting on truth. And until we stop shaming that insistence, we’ll keep mistaking shutdown for peace and compliance for healing.
Being Fully Human
Being fully human means being able to face reality together. That’s the only path to genuine safety, to health, to a life that feels alive.
