There is a chronic pain community that discourages people from using the word “pain.” Instead, they encourage members to use the word “banana.” The idea is that replacing a threatening word with something neutral or even silly can help the nervous system relax, reduce fear, and support healing.
For me, this was an immediate turn-off. I understand what they’re trying to do, but it doesn’t land right. I’ve spent years fighting to have my reality named and recognized. Pain is pain. Calling it something else feels like erasure. It feels like the same cultural habit that has harmed me so deeply, minimizing suffering, softening it, or pretending it’s not there.
From an Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) perspective, integration depends on coherence. Our brains and bodies need language that matches lived experience. If my body is screaming with pain but I’m told to call it “banana,” there’s a gap between what I feel and what I’m allowed to say. That mismatch creates more disconnection. Safety comes from being able to name the truth of experience and still be met with attunement, support, and respect.
This approach bothers me because it mirrors the dismissals I’ve already endured in medical settings, where symptoms were brushed off, renamed, or reframed instead of being taken seriously. I will not step into a community that repeats that same harm. I want to be in spaces where pain can be spoken plainly, where the words we use honor the reality of the body, and where naming what’s true is the foundation for connection.
That’s why I won’t join communities that rename pain. My body deserves coherence. My truth deserves language. My healing depends on it.
