Patriarchy and domination hierarchies cut both ways, harming not only women but also men. While incels blame women for their frustrations, the deeper issue lies in the patriarchal system itself, which sets rigid expectations for gender roles and promotes toxic standards of masculinity. Here’s a closer look at how this works:

Patriarchy Harms Men Too

Patriarchy doesn’t just privilege men; it also places intense pressures on them. It defines narrow ideals of what it means to be a “real man,” often emphasizing traits like dominance, emotional stoicism, control over others (including women), and sexual conquest. Men who don’t meet these expectations—whether due to economic status, appearance, social skills, or personality traits—can feel devalued, ashamed, and alienated. This sense of failure, combined with social conditioning that discourages vulnerability or emotional expression, can lead to deep frustration and anger.

For incels, this frustration often manifests in blaming women for their problems, but in reality, it’s the patriarchal system that created these impossible standards. Men are taught that their worth is tied to their sexual success and dominance, and when they can’t achieve that, they feel betrayed. They become isolated and susceptible to radicalizing narratives that misdirect their anger at women rather than the system itself.

Domination Hierarchies and Social Competition

Domination hierarchies within patriarchal systems encourage competition among men for power, status, and women’s attention. This fuels feelings of inadequacy when men feel they’re losing that competition. Incel culture is filled with comparisons about physical attractiveness, social success, and perceived status in relation to other men. Patriarchy conditions them to view these metrics as the foundation of their self-worth.

These hierarchies also create a sense of entitlement, where men expect women to validate their worth by giving them attention, love, or sex. When these expectations aren’t met, many feel powerless and angry. The real issue, however, isn’t women themselves, but the system that ties men’s self-worth to dominance and control in the first place.

Emotional Isolation and Lack of Healthy Coping

The same patriarchal values that lead incels to blame women also discourage men from forming supportive, emotionally connected relationships with other men. Men are often socialized to suppress vulnerability, emotions, and the need for intimacy in favor of toughness and self-reliance. This isolation makes them more vulnerable to mental health struggles like depression, anxiety, and resentment—issues they are ill-equipped to manage in healthy ways.

Instead of building a sense of community through emotional vulnerability or mutual support, incel culture leans into anger and resentment, blaming women for emotional pain that stems from patriarchal norms. Men are left without the tools to process their feelings in constructive ways and often seek validation and camaraderie through hatred of women.

Misdirected Blame and Entitlement

The domination hierarchy creates a false narrative where men feel they are entitled to women’s attention and affection as part of their “reward” for participating in patriarchal structures. When they don’t receive this validation, they blame women, believing that women are withholding something they deserve. However, this entitlement is a result of the system that objectifies women and places undue importance on their role in men’s validation.

Incel culture amplifies this misdirected blame. Rather than recognizing that the system itself is flawed—rigged in ways that harm both men and women—incels focus their anger on women, seeing them as the gatekeepers of their happiness and self-worth. In reality, it’s the patriarchal system that has conditioned them to view relationships this way, placing an unreasonable burden on both genders.

Internalized Misogyny and Self-Hatred

Incels are often grappling with internalized misogyny, but also with internalized self-hatred that comes from the very same system. They see themselves as victims of the “sexual marketplace” or believe that women hold all the power in dating and relationships. This perception reflects the ways patriarchy distorts power dynamics between men and women, but it also hides the reality that domination hierarchies are the true source of their suffering.

Instead of recognizing that the system set them up to fail by promoting unattainable ideals of masculinity and competition, incels lash out at women as the symbol of their rejection. This externalization of blame is easier than facing the pain of being devalued by a system that told them they were entitled to power, control, and success simply by being male.

The Need for Systemic Change

What incels—and many men in similar situations—are really reacting to is the harm that patriarchy has caused them. Patriarchy promises men power and dominance, but it comes with huge emotional and social costs, especially for those who don’t or can’t live up to these ideals. What they need isn’t a fight against women, but a dismantling of the system that told them they had to “win” at manhood by dominating others.

Focusing on healthy masculinity—one that embraces emotional intelligence, mutual respect, vulnerability, and community—would give men the tools to process their pain without falling into violence and misogyny. The fight isn’t against women but against the toxic domination hierarchy that keeps both men and women trapped.

Incels blame women for their struggles, but the true source of their pain is the patriarchal system and its rigid domination hierarchies. These structures create unrealistic standards for men, fostering feelings of inadequacy and entitlement while discouraging emotional connection and vulnerability. Rather than focusing their anger on women, the root issue lies in the system that harms both men and women alike. Understanding this larger context can help shift the focus away from hatred and violence toward dismantling the oppressive structures that create these dynamics in the first place.

This post includes content generated by ChatGPT, a language model developed by OpenAI. The AI-generated content has been reviewed and edited for accuracy and relevance.