When Therapy Isn’t Therapeutic

Safety is the foundation of any therapeutic relationship, especially for trauma survivors. It is the therapist’s responsibility to create that sense of safety when the client cannot. This is their first and most crucial task. Without safety, there can be no trust, no openness, and no meaningful progress.

Unfortunately, too many therapists don’t understand this. They bring their own unresolved issues into sessions, lack the skills to hold space effectively, or operate in ways that are outright harmful to trauma survivors. They can unknowingly—or even knowingly—reinforce shame, disconnection, and mistrust, leaving clients worse off than before. As long as this is the status quo therapy will continue to be risky for many people, especially those who are already vulnerable.

Fortunately, the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology gives us tools to support ourselves and each other. It shows that through safe, supportive connections with others, we can help each other achieve and maintain homeostasis—our natural state of health and well-being.

Access to a therapist, while helpful for some, is not the only path to healing. We can build relationships and communities that provide the safety and trust necessary for recovery, which is often far more powerful and accessible than relying solely on individual practitioners.

About Shay Seaborne, CPTSD

Shay Seaborne CPTSD teaches Relational Neuroscience for stress reduction, trauma recovery, and community building. Shay has studied the neurobiology of fear / trauma /PTSD since 2014 and Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) since 2019. They write, speak, teach, and make art to convey their experiences as well as their understanding of the neurobiology of fear, trauma theory, Interpersonal Neurobiology concepts, and principles of trauma recovery. A native of Northern Virginia, Shay settled in Delaware to sail KALMAR NYCKEL, the state’s tall ship. But once they finally had mental health insurance, their life rapidly changed. The standard treatment for PTSD nearly killed them. The psychiatric abuse began a cascade of negative medical encounters that repeatedly caused additional harm and the development of severe Medical PTSD. Shay wishes everyone could recognize that "mental health problems" are symptoms of dysregulation, our mainstream culture is neuro-negative, and we can heal ourselves and each other through awareness, understanding, and safe connection.
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