The same dynamics I experienced as a child–unpredictable abuse, bystanders who froze, and systems that protected the abuser–are now playing out on a much larger scale in the world.
In medical systems, the same patterns repeat. People suffer abuse, neglect, or non-consensual procedures, and the institutions around them turn away. Doctors, administrators, and regulators often freeze, rationalize, or ignore what’s happening because it’s easier than facing the truth. The systems are built to protect themselves, not the people they claim to serve. This leaves patients vulnerable, isolated, and traumatized, just like I was as a child. The “guilty bystanders,” silent witnesses of abuse, enabled the abusers to keep abusing.
Authoritarian politics rely on unpredictability, vindictiveness, and the threat of punishment to maintain control. Those with the most power to check them, like party leaders, elected officials, and wealthy backers, freeze because challenging the abuser feels too dangerous. Fear, shame, and prior trauma keep people from acting, allowing abusive power to grow unchecked. The structure of the system trains people to stay silent, just like the adults in my childhood.
In both instances, the harm is greater than what the abuser does. It affects the entire relational field: the frozen bystanders, the silence, and the systems that allow harm to continue. Abusers thrive because others are too traumatized to intervene.
That’s why community is essential. We survive, and sometimes even resist, by creating relationships that regulate the nervous system, restore safety, and allow us to experience moments of joy, creativity, and empathy. Those pockets of connection protect us when everything else is unsafe. Laughing, singing, dancing, creating, and supporting each other aren’t luxuries, but survival strategies in a world designed to keep people isolated and on edge.
To disrupt abusive systems in families, medicine, or politics, we must recognize the relational field, name the frozen witnesses, and create networks of safety and attunement. Abusers and toxic systems only have power because the rest of us have been trained to look away. The antidote to all toxic fields is connection, presence, and collective regulation.
