Category Archives: Abuse
“You Can’t Count on Anything”: The Birthday Dinner I Never Forgot
On my twenty-fifth birthday, my father took me out to dinner, just the two of us. That had never happened before. He insisted I order the Oysters Rockefeller. I had never had them. They were incredible. I remember sitting there … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse
Tagged abuse, birthday, family, family dynamics, father, gaslighting, gift, manipulation, relationship
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Bystander Complicity: An IPNB View
From an Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) perspective, the nervous system operates relationally, meaning that safety, trust, and connection are deeply shaped by social environments and relationships. Bystanders who witness abuse but fail to intervene may experience internal conflicts between their own … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse
Tagged bystanders, cognitive dissonance, complicity, IPNB, moral values, safety, Stress
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When Speaking the Truth Changes the Dynamic: Reclaiming Agency After Harm
For a few years I felt helpless about something awful that had happened to me. An abuser had sexually assaulted me, and for a long time it felt like the story ended there: harm done, no meaningful response from any … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse
Tagged abuse, accountability, neglect, speaking, speaking up, truth, truth-telling, voice
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When the Boss Plays Mind Games: A Case Study in Blame, Power, and Gaslighting
About 15 years ago, I left one of only two jobs I ever had that offered a living wage and benefits. I didn’t choose to leave. My boss had a political agenda, and I became a target. I was the … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse
Tagged district supervisor, employment, Fairfax County VA, gaslighting, mind games, political favor, Supervisor, truth, verbal abuse, Virginia, work
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Victim Selection and the Structural Mechanics of Harm: Why Vulnerable People Are Chosen and Left Unprotected
Victimology examines patterns of harm and how systems respond to them. It shows that perpetrators rarely act randomly. They select targets who are vulnerable in ways that reduce risk to themselves and maximize the impact of the harm. Factors such … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse
Tagged accountability, Complaints, courts, harm, hospitals, justice, law, legal, Medicine, power dynamics, standard treatment, support, victim services, victimology
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Stuck on Red Alert: The Hidden Harm of Seeking Help
For most of the last seven years, I haven’t been able to feel the normal range of human emotions. Joy, peace, gratitude, awe, and beauty have been mostly absent. Most of the time, I can only think about these things. … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse, Healthcare
Tagged abuse, awe, emotions, healthcare, hypervigilance, joy, Medicine, peace, recovery, Red Alert, wonder
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Trauma and the Anti-Human System: Why Psychiatric ‘Care’ Fails
A pain specialist referred me to the Johns Hopkins Hospital Pain Treatment Program (PTP) because it is supposed to be one of the top hospitals in the country for pain. When you’re living inside a body that’s been pushed past … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse, Psychiatry
Tagged abuse, Hopkins, Johns Hopkins, lions, medications, pain, pain treatment, psych medications, psychiatric hospital, psychiatry
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Doubly Cursed: The Cultural Victimization of Victims
I’ve experienced being dismissed, blamed, and pathologized for being harmed. Caregivers minimized my distress, family members judged me for expressing it, and acquaintances labeled me oversensitive when I tried to speak about what happened. The world treated me not as … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse
Tagged connection, support, victim mentality, victimhood, victimizing, victims
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