Top 10 Bad Things Therapists Say to Trauma Survivors 

Having fired 13 mental illness industry workers in 6.5 years, I experienced a lot of indifference and harm. These are not isolated events; they are endemic in an industry that denies the reality of trauma.

 

  1. Dismissing or Minimizing the Trauma

“That was a long time ago. Why does it still affect you?”

“Other people have been through worse.”

“It’s time to move on.”

“You’re letting this define you.”

“You’re stuck in a victim mentality.”


  1. Gaslighting or Invalidating Experiences

“Are you sure that really happened?”

“Maybe you’re misremembering.”

“Your perception might be distorted.”

“It probably wasn’t as bad as you think.”

 

  1. Pathologizing Normal Trauma Responses

“You’re overreacting.”

“You’re being too sensitive.”

“That’s just your anxiety talking.”

“You have to change your thinking.”

 

  1. Blaming or Implying Personal Responsibility

“What did you do to attract this?”

“You have to take responsibility for your part.”

“If you keep focusing on it, you’re choosing to suffer.”

“Forgiveness is for you, not them.”

 

  1. Over-Reliance on Cognitive Techniques

“Let’s reframe that thought.”

“Just challenge the belief.”

“Your feelings aren’t facts.”

“Let’s do some CBT worksheets.”

 

  1. Forcing Exposure or Emotional Overload

“You need to talk about it to heal.”

“Reliving it will help you process it.”

“Just sit with the discomfort.”

“You have to push through it.”

 

  1. Toxic Positivity or Oversimplified Solutions

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“Just practice gratitude.”

“You’re strong, you’ll get through this.”

“Focus on the positive.”

 

  1. Ignoring the Nervous System & Somatic Experience

“It’s all in your head.”

“Your body is reacting for no reason.”

“Just breathe through it.”

“Have you tried meditation?”

 

  1. Dismissing Systemic or Institutional Harm

“Maybe they didn’t mean it that way.”

“You have to work within the system.”

“The legal process is what it is.”

“Not all doctors/therapists/police are like that.”

 

  1. Using Therapy Jargon to Avoid Accountability

“You’re resistant to treatment.”

“You have trust issues.”

“Maybe you just aren’t ready to heal.”

“You need to work on your attachment wounds.”

 

About Shay Seaborne, CPTSD

Former tall ship sailor turned trauma awareness activist-artist Shay Seaborne, CPTSD has studied the neurobiology of fear / trauma /PTSD since 2015. She writes, speaks, teaches, and makes art to convey her experiences as well as her understanding of the neurobiology of fear, trauma theory, and principles of trauma recovery. A native of Northern Virginia, Shay settled in Delaware to sail KALMAR NYCKEL, the state’s tall ship. She wishes everyone could recognize PTSD is not a mental health problem, but a neurophysiological condition rooted in dysregulation, our mainstream culture is neuro-negative, and we need to understand we can heal ourselves and each other through awareness, understanding, and safe connection.
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