The 20 Worst Things to Say to Anyone in Distress

Here’s a list of common sayings that can be weaponized against Complex PTSD survivors and others in distress, often invalidating their experiences or reinforcing harmful narratives:

1. “Everything happens for a reason.”
Implies suffering has a predetermined purpose, disregarding systemic failures and personal violations.

2. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Minimizes trauma and its lasting effects.

3. “It’s all in your head.”
Dismisses the real, physiological impacts of trauma.

4. “You attract what you put out into the universe.”
Blames survivors for their suffering.

5. “Just let it go.”
Oversimplifies healing and disregards the complexity of trauma recovery.

6. “Karma will take care of it.”
Suggests justice is inevitable when reality often proves otherwise.

7. “If you dwell on it, you’ll never heal.”
Pressures survivors to suppress their pain rather than process it.

8. “Other people have it worse.”
Invalidates individual suffering by forcing comparison.

9. “God/the universe doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”
Suggests trauma is a test rather than unjust harm.

10. “You need to forgive to move on.”
Pressures survivors into premature or forced forgiveness.

11. “You’re only hurting yourself by holding onto anger.”
Frames justifiable anger as self-destructive.

12. “No one can hurt you unless you let them.”
Blames the survivor rather than the perpetrator.

13. “You just need to be more positive.”
Dismisses the deep neurophysiological impacts of trauma.

14. “Don’t be a victim.”
Weaponizes self-reliance against those seeking accountability.

15. “You should be grateful it wasn’t worse.”
Forces toxic gratitude rather than allowing space for grief and rage.

16. “That’s just the way the world works.”
Normalizes injustice and discourages action against it.

17. “Time heals all wounds.”
Implies that trauma naturally resolves without active support.

18. “You just need to try harder.”
Suggests that struggling with trauma is a failure of effort rather than a legitimate condition.

19. “You should be over it by now.”
Imposes an arbitrary timeline on healing.

20. “It could’ve been a lot worse.”
Minimizes suffering and invalidates the severity of trauma.

These sayings are dismissive and reinforce shame, self-doubt, and isolation. Trauma survivors need understanding, not clichés that’ll undermine their reality.

About Shay Seaborne, CPTSD

Shay Seaborne CPTSD teaches Relational Neuroscience for stress reduction, trauma recovery, and community building. Shay has studied the neurobiology of fear / trauma /PTSD since 2014 and Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) since 2019. They write, speak, teach, and make art to convey their experiences as well as their understanding of the neurobiology of fear, trauma theory, Interpersonal Neurobiology concepts, and principles of trauma recovery. A native of Northern Virginia, Shay settled in Delaware to sail KALMAR NYCKEL, the state’s tall ship. But once they finally had mental health insurance, their life rapidly changed. The standard treatment for PTSD nearly killed them. The psychiatric abuse began a cascade of negative medical encounters that repeatedly caused additional harm and the development of severe Medical PTSD. Shay wishes everyone could recognize that "mental health problems" are symptoms of dysregulation, our mainstream culture is neuro-negative, and we can heal ourselves and each other through awareness, understanding, and safe connection.
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