It happened while I was watching several hummingbirds swoop around my head in my patio garden. I felt a glimmer of awe! This was the first time in recent months. During the past 6 years, ever since the behavioral health system nearly killed me with its standard treatment for PTSD, I’ve rarely experienced the sense of joy, peace, love, wonder, awe, or beauty inside me. Those experiences were unaffordable luxuries for a nervous system on Survival Mode. I find glimmers of them now and recognize they will increase as I rebuild my sense of safety and my nervous system can focus less on threat detection and protection.
From an Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) perspective, the absence and gradual return of feelings like joy, peace, love, wonder, awe, and beauty can be understood in terms of how trauma impacts the brain, body, and relationships, and how healing these systems can gradually restore these capacities.
Trauma, especially severe and prolonged trauma like what you’ve experienced, can deeply dysregulate the nervous system. This dysregulation often pushes the nervous system into states of hyperarousal (fight/flight) or hypoarousal (freeze/shutdown). In these states, the brain is primarily focused on survival, limiting access to higher-order functions and emotions like joy, peace, and awe. The amygdala, the brain’s fear center, becomes hyperactive, while the prefrontal cortex, responsible for complex thinking, emotional regulation, and experiencing positive emotions, becomes less accessible.
The default mode network (DMN), a network in the brain associated with self-reflection, daydreaming, and the sense of self, can become altered by trauma. In a dysregulated state, the DMN might contribute to feelings of disconnection, numbness, or an inability to access positive emotions. The world feels flat, and experiences that once brought joy or wonder are now muted because the brain is preoccupied with managing threat and survival.
As I heal and my nervous system gradually returns to a more regulated state, my brain reintegrates compromised functions. The amygdala’s overactivity decreases, and the prefrontal cortex and other areas involved in emotional processing and regulation (like the insula and the anterior cingulate cortex) become more engaged. This shift allows a broader range of emotions and experiences, including joy, peace, and wonder, to re-emerge.
Healing involves not only supporting the nervous system but also reintegrating different parts of the brain. When the brain is more integrated—meaning that different brain regions can communicate effectively—I regain the capacity for complex emotions and experiences. The feeling of awe or beauty often requires the integration of sensory processing, emotional regulation, and reflective capacities, all of which are compromised by trauma but can be restored with healing.
IPNB emphasizes that healing happens in the context of safe, supportive relationships. As I experience glimmers of positive emotions, these are likely tied to moments of connection, safety, and trust with others or within myself. Safe relationships help the nervous system feel secure, which allows the brain to shift out of survival mode and into states where positive emotions can be felt and appreciated.
The return of emotions like joy and peace is often gradual because the nervous system is testing the waters. After being in survival mode for so long, it must relearn that it’s safe to feel these things again. It also takes time to rebuild the neural pathways that went fallow by the necessities of Survival Mode. This reawakening can be fragile at first—glimmers rather than a flood—but as the brain and nervous system continue to heal and integrate, these feelings can become more consistent and robust.
The return of positive emotions after trauma is a sign of healing, integration, and the restoration of my nervous system’s natural balance. It’s a slow and sometimes uncertain process, but each glimmer of joy, peace, or awe is a step toward reclaiming my full emotional range and the richness of life that comes with it.
This post includes content generated by ChatGPT, a language model developed by OpenAI. The AI-generated content has been reviewed and edited for accuracy and relevance.
