The link between Incels and violence can be understood through the lens of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) by examining how chronic emotional dysregulation, unmet relational needs, and unresolved trauma can drive some individuals to extreme behaviors. Violence often emerges when the nervous system, unable to return to a state of homeostasis, seeks drastic ways to regain a sense of power or control. Here’s how IPNB can explain this connection:
Emotional Dysregulation and the Fight Response
From an IPNB perspective, when someone feels consistently rejected, powerless, or marginalized, their nervous system can enter a state of chronic dysregulation, particularly within the “fight-flight-freeze” survival responses. Incels, many of whom experience long-term isolation, rejection, and shame, may shift into a prolonged fight response, where anger, resentment, and a desire for retribution dominate their emotional and mental states. The absence of healthy co-regulation through supportive relationships exacerbates this dysregulation, pushing some toward violent fantasies or actions as a way to externalize their internal chaos.
Hypervigilance and Heightened Threat Perception
Chronic social rejection leads to a heightened threat response, often manifesting as hypervigilance. For some men within the Incel community, women or society at large are perceived as constant threats to their sense of self-worth and identity. The nervous system, constantly scanning for threats, fuels a distorted belief that women are not just rejecting them but actively oppressing them. This leads to a worldview that justifies retaliatory violence as a way to restore a sense of justice or balance. Violent acts, in this context, are seen as a form of self-defense against a perceived hostile environment.
Shame, Rage, and Aggression
IPNB emphasizes the destructive power of shame, particularly when it becomes internalized and unprocessed. Shame is a deeply painful emotion that dysregulates the nervous system, creating a state of internalized hostility. In some Incels, this shame transforms into rage—a powerful emotion that seeks to displace the internal sense of failure or worthlessness by projecting blame onto others, especially women. Violence becomes a way to externalize that shame, turning it into aggression that targets those they perceive as the source of their suffering.
Loss of Empathy and Dehumanization
Chronic dysregulation and a lack of co-regulation from healthy relationships can impair the brain’s capacity for empathy and connection. Over time, some Incels become desensitized to the emotional or physical suffering of others, particularly women, whom they view through a lens of dehumanization. In IPNB, empathy is essential for prosocial behavior and the capacity to regulate our nervous system through healthy relationships. In Incel culture, the echo chambers of misogyny and hate reinforce dehumanizing beliefs, which weaken empathy and make violent acts more justifiable in their minds.
Group Identity and Radicalization
IPNB stresses the importance of social identity in shaping the brain and behavior. The Incel community provides a group identity based on shared grievances and distorted beliefs about women and society. This collective identity can radicalize some men, especially when reinforced by online forums that celebrate acts of violence or martyrdom as forms of rebellion against the perceived social order. The nervous system’s social brain, which seeks belonging, becomes more entrenched in this identity, and the group’s approval becomes more important than any individual moral compass. This makes violent behavior more likely when it aligns with group expectations.
Dysfunctional Power Dynamics
Incel culture often frames relationships as power struggles, where men feel entitled to women’s affection, attention, or sex. From an IPNB perspective, when the nervous system is wired for dominance or submission rather than connection and mutuality, relationships become battlegrounds. Violence can emerge as a way to assert dominance when Incels feel disempowered in other areas of life, seeking to reclaim control through force. In this worldview, women are seen as adversaries to be conquered or punished rather than as people to connect with, which normalizes violent impulses.
Lack of Co-Regulation and Access to Support
One of the key principles in IPNB is co-regulation—our ability to calm our nervous systems through healthy, supportive relationships. Men in the Incel community often lack access to this kind of co-regulation. Without empathetic social relationships that could help them process rejection or loneliness, they may turn to violence as a maladaptive strategy to relieve their internal dysregulation. In extreme cases, the absence of positive social support can push someone into a dangerous feedback loop where their dysregulated nervous system drives increasingly hostile or aggressive behaviors, with no external input to correct it.
Violence as a Perceived Solution to Powerlessness
The feeling of powerlessness is a common thread in many who identify with Incel culture. When their social and relational needs are unmet, and they feel unable to change their circumstances, violence can appear as a way to restore a sense of agency and control. From an IPNB standpoint, the brain’s need for predictability, control, and safety can lead to desperate actions when these needs are chronically unmet. For some Incels, violence is seen as the ultimate way to take control of a situation in which they have felt completely powerless.
The link between Incels and violence, from an IPNB perspective, can be traced to a combination of emotional dysregulation, deep-seated shame, hypervigilance, and a breakdown of empathy. Incels often operate from a dysregulated nervous system that perceives constant threats, particularly from women, which leads to heightened aggression and a distorted sense of justice. The lack of healthy social connections, coupled with toxic community reinforcement, drives some to embrace violent solutions as a way to alleviate their internal suffering or reclaim a sense of power. The challenge lies in addressing these underlying neurobiological and relational issues to prevent violence and support healthier coping mechanisms.
This post includes content generated by ChatGPT, a language model developed by OpenAI. The AI-generated content has been reviewed and edited for accuracy and relevance.
