To come off survival mode, our nervous systems have to believe we are safe now. Too much evidence tells me I’m still not safe, including recent bad therapy and a prior malevolent doctor. Cruelty and contempt at the hands of the caregivers has a most brutal impact. Therefore it should be most heavily prosecuted. But it’s not.

The doctor who removed healthy tissue from my genitals without consent is free to practice his perverted brand of medicine. It’s likely the worst he will get is a slap on the wrist for pretending he forgot about the key ethical tenant of consent.

Survival mode is reinforced by uninformed people who give what they believe is their best but is actually neuronegative, like “you got this!” or “just let it go,” or “you have to forgive,” or “God has a plan for you.” Those people would be horrified if they could comprehend the toxic impact of those shallow and shaming phrases.

Fortunately, I’ve learned the basics of the neurobiology of trauma and that helps me find my way to a nervous system not held hostage by terror. With this knowledge I can increasingly understand how I need to avoid further harm from those who would cause it either intentionally or by accident. With greater understanding of the neurobiology of trauma I can also increasingly understand how much I need to listen to my body and replace old bad memories with new positive experiences. This especially means positive social experiences. Like a million years of them to overwrite the neural pathways of terror.

A sign I saw recently that said “Be Nice Or Go Away.” Yep.