Most people enjoy taking a shower, but for trauma survivors like me, bathing is often loaded. After being abused and neglected by the medical industry, my nervous system became severely dysregulated. Even something as simple as taking a shower becomes fraught with danger.  I don’t feel safe in my body. I often have flashbacks. I frequently dissociate and lose time.

I found a way to make showering a little more possible with music. I have a shower playlist that helps me regulate and return to my body and the present moment. It’s not just any music. The songs I chose remind me of my great-grandfather, my beloved Granddaddy. He was the only adult who showed me I deserved to be here. The only one who treated me like I mattered.

The songs are familiar. I know how long each one is. When I listen, they help me come back. They orient me. They let me know how much time has passed. Three songs are a long shower. Two songs are a normal one. I don’t have to monitor anything. The rhythm and structure of the playlist do that for me. It gives me something steady, grounding, and with emotional meaning that I can follow.

From an Interpersonal Neurobiology perspective, this works because it engages memory, rhythm, and relationship. The music brings back the feeling of being loved and being safe with someone. That emotional memory isn’t abstract; it’s embodied. Evoking that embodied memory helps regulate the system and guide me back to presence when I’ve gone far away.

Others can use this too. Not necessarily my playlist, but the idea. What reminds you of someone who made you feel safe? What songs make you feel like yourself again? What rhythm could carry you through something hard? This isn’t about making everything easy. It’s about creating small structures of support that help bring you back, even when being present feels impossible.

We don’t all need the same tools, but we all need ways to come back. We all need safe connection. And for some of us, that might start with music in the shower.