Tag Archives: relationship
Letter to a Now Former Friend
One of the hardest things about trauma recovery is the process of recognizing which relationships are mutual and supportive and letting go of those that are not. I’ve done this over the course of years, particularly with family members, most … Continue reading
Posted in Relationships
Tagged boundaries, connection, friends, friendship, no contact, relationship, safety
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“You Can’t Count on Anything”: The Birthday Dinner I Never Forgot
On my twenty-fifth birthday, my father took me out to dinner, just the two of us. That had never happened before. He insisted I order the Oysters Rockefeller. I had never had them. They were incredible. I remember sitting there … Continue reading
Posted in Abuse
Tagged abuse, birthday, family, family dynamics, father, gaslighting, gift, manipulation, relationship
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When Healthcare Feels Dangerous: How Practitioners Shape Our Capacity to Heal
When I tell a practitioner that I’m not doing well, and they dismiss or minimize what I say–what I share of my lived experience–it makes everything worse. It increases my sense of unsafety. It pushes me even further onto Red … Continue reading
Posted in Healthcare
Tagged attune, attunement, compassion, doctors, healthcare, healthcare practitioners, IPNB, relationship, witnessing
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Survivors in the Lurch: How Doctors Disregard Their Role in Resolving Medical Trauma
Recently, I heard the same line I’ve been hearing for years. A prominent pain specialist told me that doctors don’t have the time to help me recover from medical PTSD. The conversation always drops straight into the same rut: “Are … Continue reading
Posted in Accountability, Healthcare
Tagged attunement, Doctor, doctor-patient relationship, doctors, Empathy, IPNB, Medical PTSD, MPTSD, pain, pain specialist, relationship, therapy
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The Midwife Who Couldn’t Stop Talking
Having midwife care for the births of my two babies and for years after, I recently turned to midwives again. My trust in gynecology had been destroyed by non-consensual cutting and the institutional betrayal that protects the abusive doctor and … Continue reading
Posted in Healthcare
Tagged accountability, apology, blabbing, dysregulation, Interpersonal Neurobiolgy, IPNB, midwife, misattunement, relationship, repair, rupture
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Rupture and Repair: How Breaks in Trust Can Be a Doorway to Something Better
Recently, I had a rupture repair session with one of my most trusted healthcare practitioners. About ten days before, we had a misattunement rupture when he dismissed what I said about my lived experience. I told him I was struggling, … Continue reading
Posted in Relationships
Tagged attunement, connection, Doctor, IPNB, practitioners, relationship, rupture, safety
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Building Bridges, Not Walls: The Relational Antidote to Extremism
An article at PsyPost reveals a connection between genetic essentialism and “nationalism, xenophobia, racism, right-wing authoritarianism, social-dominance orientation, sexism and conservative ideology.” From an Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) perspective, these traits can be seen as adaptive responses to unmet relational and … Continue reading
Posted in Extremism
Tagged belonging, Community, dehumanizing, extremism, powerlessness, relationship
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